


Dr. Banner or How Darcy Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the God

by Audlie45



Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Tom Hiddleston - Fandom
Genre: Bruce falls in love, Darcy is tired of Loki's shit, F/M, Romance, Shit Goes Down Hill, Tony Loves Fucking Shit Up, Valentine's Day, Valentine's Disaster, loki's a little shit
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-15
Updated: 2016-02-15
Packaged: 2018-05-20 15:36:02
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,437
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6014338
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Audlie45/pseuds/Audlie45
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Darcy Lewis just wants to spend Valentine’s day with her boyfriend, Bruce Banner needs to find love and that restaurant needed remodeling anyway.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Dr. Banner or How Darcy Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the God

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, this fic is a little odd. Don’t come here seeking smut because there’s very little. This is just something crazy that was supposed to be a fluffy Valentine’s smut fic but… Idk… It did not happen. Thank you, Eternal Fangirl, for beta’ing for me *muah* Feedback is always welcome! Thank you all!

“I will not celebrate it.”

“But-”

“I’m sorry. I just feel it’s a ridiculous holiday that has no true bearing in love. If I truly care for you why would I only treat you specially on one day out of the year?”

“But it’s for-”

“For what? A consumer holiday where all businesses carry the same products so snivelling teen boys and cheating husbands can try a hand at getting in someone’s pants by the end of the night? No, thank you.”

“Haaaaaa, fine. Fine! Whatever. I’ll just see you Monday then!”

Darcy stomped from the lab without a glance back at the dark-haired Norse god who currently stood at his desk, rigidly holding onto his Starkpad.

Why was she getting so worked up over this menial holiday? Consumerism at it’s third best after Christmas and Halloween... He just didn’t understand.

* * *

Darcy was furious. How could he not understand that this was not just some dumb holiday, this was their anniversary?

A year ago, Valentine’s, Darcy had finally worked up the nerve to tell Loki how she felt. They’d been hanging out watching movies, joking around and getting a little feelsy every once in a while for the past month, so she decided to approach the idea and be damned if he shut her down.

Which he didn’t.

He agreed with a half smile that got her knees weak. They spent that night watching _The Princess Bride_ and snuggling closely until they fell asleep. They didn’t have sex until the next night, which was fucking amazing.

This year Darcy was hoping to do something similar, but also to make it a little special. She wanted to go somewhere nice to eat, have amazing sex in a bathroom stall, head to her apartment with a bottle of wine and watch the movie. But when she approached Loki with “So, I wanted to do something special today,” He didn’t seem to remember that this was their day and not just Valentine’s.

Frustrated beyond belief, Darcy stomped through Stark tower, glaring at anyone who dared to look at her questioningly until she failed to notice a certain medium sized someone in her path holding a clipboard and also not paying attention. Needless to say, the collision was unavoidable.

Bruce Banner jumped on the spot, reacting quickly to the small brunette that had just rammed head first into his clipboard while glaring down a security guard. She would have fallen to the floor had he not caught her by the waist and with all the fire he saw in her eyes he was sure there would be a long angry tirade to follow until she would realize who he was and regret it immediately.

Thankfully, this was not the case. Had this been any other day, there was a high chance things would have ended disastrously. But today, he was on cloud nine.

Not only was his new serum for suppressing the big guy working to near perfection but he had finally worked out the perfect formula to help him call out the big guy without actually having to get angry and stressed. The past attempts had ended badly but this one had the promise of causing the change over in a calm, near painless shift and bringing about a more self aware and cooperative Hulk. So this little tick in his day was nothing compared to how in-control and happy he felt.

He smiled down at Darcy, despite the glare she gave him before realizing who he was. When her expression changed, he helped her steady herself.

“Oh shit! I’m so sorry, are you alright? Do I need to call anyone or page Stark or something?” She said hurriedly, eyes wide in shock and confusion. Was he not mad that she just ran into him?

“No, no, I’m okay. Really. I’m fine.” He smiled down at her which almost freaked her out more because Bruce rarely ever smiled in the presence of Darcy.

She was loud and eccentric, which did not sit well with the big guy. She’d learned to effectively avoid him--for the most part--since the last incident in the lab, when she was yelling at Loki for using up all her conditioner again, despite them not actually living together yet, and threw her large muffin straight at his face. Unfortunately, Loki was fast enough to dodge it, which caused it to explode, in all it’s warm banana nut goodness, all over Bruce’s face.

He was not too happy about it. Neither was the big guy.

The damages weren’t as bad as they’d all expected but it still caused quite enough that Darcy’s and Loki’s pay now has a small percentage going towards paying off the repairs and Bruce was given permission to use Tony’s personal lab instead of sharing with the two.

Now, Bruce was on his way to the lab with a bounce in his step, ready to test his formula. But now that he’d run into Darcy he actually needed her help with something.

“Actually, Darcy. I got a question for you.” Suddenly he looked nervous and unsure which would have looked kind of adorable if she hadn’t immediately thought of Loki, unsure during their first night, with the same expression.

“Sure, what’s up big guy? I mean, ah, yeah, um, hey why haven’t you changed anyway? Am I losing my touch?”

“Oh, um, I’ve actually been working on a serum for that. I just put it through the ultimate test so it’s obviously working and no, you still got it.” He laughed a little, finally feeling like he can relax without worrying about ‘him’ knocking on the proverbial door. He finally released her, realizing it probably looked wholly inappropriate and took a step back.

“Oh, then that’s great! You can totally do all the fun stuff now, right? Is that why you’re in such a good mood?” She asked with a quirk of her eyebrow. This could be awesome, to finally involve Bruce in all the fun shit they did on the weekends.

“Yeah, haha, it is and that’s actually kinda what I wanted to ask you about. Fun stuff, like dating and all that.”

“Um… Bruce, I’m flattered but I’m-”

“Oh, no, no, no, not you. I mean you’re perfectly fine, as a woman and all that, but not-not for me. I’m actually looking at someone else. I just…” He looked around them and noticed a few people had stopped to stare at the potential time bomb and it’s trigger, most not knowing about the serum. “Could we talk about this in the lab?”

Noticing the prone figures nearby by with their phones out for either contacting Tony or to record at a moment’s notice, Darcy realized that was probably a good idea.

“Yeah, let’s go to your lab. Loki’s being a drag in ours and I don’t really feel like going back there right now.”

“Uhhh, sure? As long as we can get off the stage. These guys are lookin’ for a repeat it seems.” He said under his breath as he lead her to the elevators.

Arriving at the lab, Darcy noticed all the cooler, more expensive equipment that stocked this lab compared to theirs. Pursing her lips, she tried her best not to comment on it and test that serum further.

“So what’s up big green, need lovin’ advice?” She was mentally kicking herself for calling him that but sometimes that brain-to-mouth filter just didn’t work.

“Kinda, it’s been so long since I’ve talked to a woman I like or find attractive. I, uh, I just freeze. I tried to say ‘hi’ and ended up taking her paperwork for the day. I honestly don’t know how that happened.” He said sheepishly. Seriously, if she wasn’t with Loki, Bruce would most likely have been on her top five guys to bang in Stark Tower. Wait, did he just say he didn’t find her attractive?

“Well, you just gotta grow some balls and talk to her. I mea-”

“Iron Man to Big Green. Iron Man to Big Green. Your assistance is needed in breakroom six, stat.”

“Was that Tony?”

Sighing exhaustedly Bruce reached for his Starkphone noticing it had been overridden to act as a walkie talkie.

“Yeah, he’s been doing that lately. I gotta go. Look, what are you doing tomorrow? We could get together and talk about this after work, because I know I probably won’t have any free time on the clock. I really like this girl and I would be so grateful if you could help me to talk to her.” He looked expectantly up at her, before another message came through and he sighed.

“Iron Man to Big Green. Seriously, this is an emergency.”

“Yeah… Um, how about tomorrow? I had reservations at this place but Loki’s so not going and I’m not wasting a good reservation alone. I’ll give ya call later, ‘kay?”

“Yeah, perfect! Thank you so much.” He put his hand on her shoulder before leaving for his next mission in breakroom six.

“No problem man, you deserve to have some fun.” Darcy smiled and followed him out, going the opposite direction towards the elevators.

Once she arrived in her apartment, she pulled out a gallon of neapolitan ice cream and switched the tv to some brainless action movie, ignoring the text notifications from Loki.

She was gonna veg out and eat ice cream till midnight and no one could stop her.

* * *

He trusted her. He really did. He knew that one little scuffle wouldn’t derail everything they’d done together but…

He stared down at the photo sent to him from Tony, that was taken from a ‘scared shitless’ security guard, of a certain scientist holding onto _his_ receiver of affections, Darcy Lewis. The man’s arm was wrapped tightly around her small waist, her chest pressed to his and a smile on his face.

Loki gulped once, twice, trying to think of a suitable explanation for this compromising position they were in but the text that had come with the photo did nothing to lead him to believe it was innocent.

_“Hey there, reindeer games. Just so you know not only has BG worked out how to hang around Lewis with his new anti-Hulk juice buuut he’s also mentioned he’s going to fill a reservation with her this weekend. Just thought you’d like to know. Ciao. TS”_

Fill a reservation? Were they going to have a date? At some restaurant to have a not-so-secret meeting together? This was not sitting well and a heaviness was forming in his chest he’d only felt once before. Something ugly and consuming that brought back memories of his so-called brother.

Jealousy?

With a click of his tongue he headed to the door, determined to speak with her about this situation. He was hoping against hope that this was just a misunderstanding and Tony was just so bored he had to stir things up.

He received no response to the thirty or so messages he’d sent on his way to her apartment, half of them just the name “Darcy”. The other half was just “woman”. When he arrived at her door, he hesitated. What if he was being ridiculous and playing to Tony’s whims? What if she thought he did not trust her and got offended?

“I do what I want.” He whispered to himself, glaring at the door, imagining Tony being burned in his own suit. If this was a joke he’d make sure that image came true.

Two knocks… Three knocks… Nothing. Loki heaved a heavy sigh imagining the woman passed out on her couch or possibly in her room talking to someone he didn’t care to think of.

Three hard knocks were followed by a thud from inside. A loud curse and unsteady footsteps grew louder until the door creaked open.

“Mmm,” she growled. “What? Did I leave something in the lab?”

“Are you seeing Dr. Banner this weekend?”

Darcy raised her eyebrow at his question. Well that was fast.

The first thought in her head was to agree and explain the situation. Tell him it’s for dating advice and helping Bruce talk to the woman he had an interest in, but… there was another very tempting alternative, and it was quickly winning out. Also, she hadn’t forgiven him yet for being an ass earlier.

“Yeah, I am.” Her expression was challenging. She wanted to see how he would react. This was something they’d never experienced before in their relationship. If anyone ever approached Darcy before, she would shut them down swiftly, informing them of her relationship. It was the same with Loki. He’d had a few propositions since his reform, but none quite interested him like her.

Loki blinked once and swallowed, his only outward show of mild discomfort. But inside he was raging. He needed to know why but didn’t want her to question his trust in her.

“Is there a new project he needs your help with?”

“Mmm, nope. We’re actually gonna be meeting for more… Personal matters.” She smiled sweetly, daring him to say something.

“I see. And would these matters require… Reservations?”

“Mmhm. Reservations at a reeeeally nice restaurant. I’m actually pretty excited to get to try it.”

“I assume he’s perfected his suppressant serum?”

“Yuuup.”

He swallowed once more, finally breaking eye contact. As much as he wanted to demand she not go and forbid her from ever seeing Dr. Banner again, he knew she would never listen. She was her own woman and would never just do what he told her to do. He loved that about her, but not saying it was burning at his insides.

“Then, I hope you two have a good time. You know how to contact me if you would like to spend some time together. Even on…” His voice lowered to a whisper, “Valentine’s.”

“Yeah, of course, but I’ll be busy with Bruce so... Maybe the next day? Welp, I’ll see ya later.” She went to close the door but his foot lodged between the opening and he stared at her.

“I would like that. I will see you later.” Backing away, he allowed Darcy to close the door. The sound of her footsteps growing quieter and farther away ended as soon as she reached her couch, he assumed, from where a dull thud came.

Loki was not done. He felt childish and stubborn but damn it if he was going to allow the woman he’d grown attached to go out with another man. It was just preposterous.

That night Loki hatched a plan while Darcy slept soundly on her comfy couch and Bruce slept happily for first time in a long time with no interruptions from ‘him’.

* * *

The next afternoon Darcy checked herself in the mirror and was pleased with what she saw.

Her hair was left down as opposed to what she would have done if she were going with Loki. The dress she had picked out seemed a little too formal and romantic for him so she just swapped it with a white button-up with dark grey polka dots. She paired it with a mustard yellow cardigan, dark grey jeans and boots. Perfect.

After convincing Jane to let her borrow her car--because why bother getting one when your best friend and boss has a bitchin’ new ride--she headed out to the restaurant where she was meeting Bruce.

For the whole ride, she couldn’t help but think about Loki. He hadn’t seem all that worried about her going out, but the fact that he showed up to confirm that she was, gave her the impression that it at least bothered him on some level. If he was upset, he would have said something, right? Hopefully, he’ll listen to her after Valentine’s so they could have a proper celebration for their anniversary.

Bruce was already waiting in the sitting room by the time Darcy arrived. They were seated quickly and ordered their drinks.

“So, this girl. What’s her name?”

“Hah, um, Faith. She’s just… Great.” He smiled at table, thinking about her.

“And she works in the lab?”

“Well, she delivers to the lab. When new parts come in... she bring them because those drones Tony has kinda unsettle ‘him’. I think after the third one went down he took the hint.”

“Haha, wow. Well, I guess that’s a good thing since you got to meet this girl because of it. What’s she like?”

“Intelligent, beautiful, witty. Just perfect.”

Seeing Bruce like this really made her smile. She’d never seen him this happy and hopefully he would be able to overcome this anxiety of his and work up the nerve to talk to her.

Before she could continue, the waiter came up to the table. 

“How are the two love birds doing tonight? Enjoying each other’s company, yes?”

Darcy stared wide-eyed at their waiter. He was leaning over slightly, with his eyes nearly closed by his beaming smile. Short blonde hair, styled upwards, a large mustache that looked almost too large for his sharp chiselled features and a long lean body under a tightly fitted black waist coat, white button down and black apron.

She squinted a little, trying to figure out why he looked so familiar. There was something about him that was giving her that tingly feeling like something wasn’t right but she couldn’t put her finger on it. Of course his terrible French accent wasn’t lowering her red flags either.

“Uh, we’re actually just friends having dinner.” Bruce confirmed shaking his head.

“On Valentine’s!? No, no, no, I heard you,” his voice grew slightly deeper as if he were accusing him of something, “beautiful, witty. Just perfect. You cannot tell me you were not speaking of this lovely young vixen before you.”

Now Darcy was really getting suspicious. The waiter’s voice almost took on an English accent towards the end of that sentence before his cheerful smile returned, she was sure of it.

“Actually, you’re right, he was talking about me. He’s just being shy. It’s our first date you know.” She winked at Bruce and tilted her head with an affectionate smile and looked back up to the waiter whose smile was faltering slightly.

Bruce gave her a vaguely questioning look but decided against saying anything when he felt her boot come into sharp contact with his foot.

“Well, I’ll be taking your order then. What will the two of you be having?” His voice no longer held the overly cheerful tone it had when he arrived at the table, but he seemed to be trying hard to force it.

“Hmm, I’ll be having…” She let her words hang there as she looked up in contemplation with a finger to her chin, “the oysters, please.” 

She gave a wink and a smile to the waiter and turned to Bruce who was staring at her like he had no idea what was happening. He shook his head slightly and ordered the special.

The waiter pursed his lips and nodded.

“Thank you. Your dinner will be out shortly. Would you like more… Ah…” Having not been the one to take their drink orders the waiter was unsure as to what exactly it was Bruce was drinking.

“Oh, it’s just club soda and yes actually, I do need a refill thanks.” Bruce smiled and handed him his glass.

The waiter gave an overly toothy smile and ignored Darcy when she mentioned she didn’t need a refill, and thanked him for asking.

Once the waiter was out of sight, Bruce looked at Darcy pointedly.

“So what was that all about?”

“Huh, oh nothing. It’s totally nothing... just go with it. Okay, tell me more about Faith. What’s she into, what kind of things does she talk about when you see her. Does she seem to like you?”

Bruce still had a suspicious look in his eye, but was successfully distracted into talking about Faith.

Turned out they seemed to have a lot in common, and working out a good initial convo for them was easy. She looked up a few places that they could go on a first date if she agreed--which she was totally sure Faith would--including places to eat.

The waiter returned with Bruce’s refill at some point between their conversation, in which Darcy tapped Bruce’s foot and it turned into discussing their interests instead of someone else’s. She gave sappy winks and longing gazes while the waiter was near. She had also noticed how he’d tense when her hand would reach for her friend’s.

Bruce seemed to catch on and thought it was a little funny but didn’t really care since he was getting plenty of info on how to actually talk to the girl of his dreams.

Half way through the meal Bruce stopped mid sentence and leaned forward.

“Are you okay?” Darcy looked at him worriedly. He was slowly growing more agitated. He scrunched his face in discomfort and put his hand to his abdomen.

“Ah, I don’t know. My stomach feels funny. I think I need to go to the restroom.” He stood up quickly and rushed without a glance back or regard for his chair that was knocked over in his hurry.

Not ten seconds later the waiter arrived, picking up the chair and taking the seat of her friend. His cheerful demeanor was replaced with an arrogant agitation.

“Was I not enough? Am I that terrible that you had to turn to the timorous scientist for attentions?!” The terrible French accent was gone completely and a hard, angry aristocratic English accent came from the mustached man.

Darcy stared at the blonde man in front of her, not at all surprised by his sudden change in personality.

“I knew you were gonna do something! You had that look on your face like you were hiding something last night and I knew it. You don’t trust me do you? Seriously! After the whole year that we’ve been together do you honestly think that I’d drop you just like that?!” She was even more furious than when he turned her down for their date. This was ridiculous! Granted, she knew it was him as soon as he walked up in that odd disguise. Seriously, he could have at least changed his face and body structure.

He sat there, stunned, his eyes softening with uncertainty. He thought he knew what was happening, that he’d been successful in hiding himself and catching them in the act but apparently, in her presence, his skills at manipulation were quite a bit below par.

“I-I do not know. I couldn’t understand why you were so mad at me over such a menial holiday. I thought…” He looked down at the table, slumping slightly at being deflated of his certainty,” I thought you were finally growing tired of my behavior. I’m not the easiest person to get along with, or so I’m told. I figured you were at your limit with me and… I had to be sure.”

“Loki, you’re such an idiot sometimes.” She sighed and leaned her forehead on her hand. “It’s our anniversary.”

He perked up instantly.

“It’s what?”

“Our anniversary, you lugnut. You know, when we decided to make things official between us and all that?”

Realization crept onto his face and then confusion.

“If it’s our anniversary, why are you spending it with the scientist?”

As if on cue, a loud bang came from the direction of the restrooms. Loki stood and ran towards the sound, yelling back at Darcy to call in the Avengers.

* * *

“So done. That’s it. I’m so done with you.” Darcy lay in her bed naked save her bedsheet and a Norse god.

“Come now dear, it wasn’t that bad.”

“You gave Bruce the shits which overrode the serum he’d made and the force caused him to Hulk out in the bathroom of a very fancy restaurant. On Valentine’s day.”

“It wasn’t that fancy.”

“Fancy enough that now almost forty five percent of our paychecks are going to repairs. The lab only cost us ten.”

“We don’t need all that money anyway. We have everything we’ll ever need in Asgard when we go.”

“And all those poor people who were hoping for a ni- wait… Did you just say we’re going to Asgard?”

“Mmmhm.” He nuzzled his nose into her neck, breathing in the scent he so loved.

The events of Valentine’s day were filed away under the ever-extending resume of Loki’s mischief. It detailed how Loki went undercover as a--not very convincing--French waiter who slipped a colorless, flavorless laxative into Dr. Banner’s drink as a distraction to talk his girlfriend into taking him back, caused Dr. Banner to ‘Hulk out’ in the bathroom and destroy a large portion of a fancy restaurant.

Loki, having gotten everyone out of the building while Darcy contacted the rest of the team, went to attempt to calm Bruce down. Luckily, Tony was able to whip up a cocktail of his serum and an antidiarrheal and get it to him before he destroyed anymore of the block. The restaurant was temporarily moved to a nearby location to continue business with free rent until the repairs could be finished.

As embarrassed as Bruce was, he was just glad no one got hurt aside from Loki, who he had no sympathy for.

Darcy declared she’d be rightfully angry at Loki for the rest of her life and that he needed to stick close so she could unleash her anger at any given moment.

Three months later, things had finally calmed back down. The restaurant was rebuilt, Loki was fully recovered and Bruce had re-perfected his serum. Finally, getting a date with Faith a week after the events only helped to keep Bruce in a good mood and make Darcy immeasurably excited.

Laying in bed after their morning routine, Darcy was reminded of the events of their disastrous first anniversary/Valentine’s day by the television in the other room playing a Miralax commercial.

“So you wanna take me to Asgard… With you?” She pulled herself up from her lying position onto her elbows.

“Yes, I think it’s about time you get to see where I come from, considering my intentions.” He looked up into her eyes, wrapping an arm around her waist and pulling her back down onto him.

“Oh and what are your intentions?” She asked, wiggling herself onto his hardened erection.

He sighed as he was sheathed in her heat and grabbed ahold of her hip. Leaning forward to place a kiss on her lips he whispered, “To marry you, you fool.”


End file.
